Want a more fulfilling life?

Hello, beautiful friend!

I am SO excited to share this information with you because for so many years, I didn’t know any of this. Nobody ever talked about it. I didn’t learn it in any of the books I was reading. But once I discovered it, it completely changed my life—and I’m hoping it will change yours too.

Today, we’re breaking down YOUR happiness code. We’re going to identify your core desired feelings, discover your core values, understand the role gratitude plays in your daily joy, and give your passions permission to come alive. Ready? Let’s dive in!

What Are Your Core Desired Feelings?

Here’s something that shifted everything for me: You’re not actually chasing goals (you’re chasing feelings).

If you’re goal-oriented, an entrepreneur, constantly pushing yourself to achieve and win—you’re not really after that physical object or that thing. You’re seeking the FEELING that reward gives you. This is where we get deep into who you are and why you do what you do.

The beautiful part? There’s a way to tap into these core desired feelings and honor them in your life every day. You don’t have to wait until you meet that big goal or win that big prize to feel good about your life. Honoring your deepest desires is a shortcut to feeling happier and more fulfilled right now.

Identifying Your Top Five Core Desired Feelings

Don’t be afraid to make decisions here. You can shift them as needed—they’re not unchangeable for the rest of your life. They can absolutely change according to the season you’re in and how you grow.

I can tell you that when I first looked at my core desired feelings, I had some wounds I was seeking to fill. I had ego-driven desires. Now those have shifted because I’m no longer being driven by my ego or those old wounds.

Here are some questions to help you discover your core desired feelings:

• How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? You don’t want to feel “ugh, another day,” right? Get clear on how you want to feel, because if you don’t know, you cannot be intentional about creating it.
• What makes you feel alive? Whatever makes you feel alive ties into your core desired feelings somehow.
• How do you want others to feel after interacting with you? The way we show up impacts how we feel about ourselves.
• How do you want to feel at work? Even if you’re doing your own thing, you need to be aware of whether you’re honoring your core desires or not.
• If you could pick ONE feeling to experience every day, what would it be? Mine is freedom. I want to feel free. A coach once told me, “If you want to feel free, freedom is free. You can feel free right now.” But at the time, I didn’t understand how to do that.

Now that I know freedom is a desire I need to feel every day, I find ways to give myself that feeling. I go outside and feel the sunshine on my face, the breeze on my body. I purposely do things to make extra money so I have more financial choices. Does that make sense?

• What makes you feel accomplished? Again, you’re not looking for what the goal physically provides—you’re chasing a feeling.

Creating Your Happiness Today

If you could honor your core desired feelings every single day, what would be different in your life? Do you think you would show up differently? Would your family be impacted by how full you are?

It is SO important to get clear on what you want so you can create an environment that honors your desires. You’re not left wanting and disappointed day after day.

Once you decide your five core desired feelings, put those words around you. Make a pretty picture, put it as a screensaver, put it in your office—whatever keeps it in front of you.

For so long, we’ve gotten really good at stuffing our feelings deep down, not communicating them, not wanting others to know what we really want because we’re afraid of being disappointed. It’s time we start asking for what we want, being clear about what we want, and taking steps to honor those things in ourselves.

We are creating our own happiness—not looking to the world to make us happy.

Understanding Your Core Values

Core values are like an inner guidance system that help us have boundaries and build a life that makes us feel safe, secure, and happy.

As Disney says: “It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.”

When you know your core desired feelings and core values, it makes it easier to make decisions because you’re going to make decisions that align with what will please you most. This is called leading your life rather than following it around.

Where Do Our Values Come From?

Values are developed throughout our life from:

• Experiences – What we go through shapes what’s important to us
• School/Education – Our first experience away from home builds values around work ethic, teamwork, appreciation
• Family – Both positive and negative experiences shape our values. I grew up without much security, so security became a huge value for me as an adult
• Media – Podcasts and coaching programs helped me learn to stop being egotistical and come from a heart-centered place
• Religion/Spiritual Beliefs – These have a huge impact on our value system
• Friends – We’re influenced by our environment and the people around us
• Mentors – I call myself a personal growth mentor because I’m committed to helping you understand how you’re knitted together so you can live on purpose

The Benefits of Knowing Your Core Values

Building Self-Awareness – A lot of conflicts come from when our core values aren’t being honored. When you know your values, you understand what’s going on.

Better Boundaries – You can build boundaries about your needs and in relationships. For instance, one of my core desired feelings is to feel supported. It was important for me to get clear on what support looks like so I could communicate that to my husband, friends, and kids.

And no, you shouldn’t expect people to “just know” what you need. You need to stop being a victim and take responsibility for what you need and ASK for it. People who love you WANT to give you what you ask for, but often we don’t say what we need because we don’t even know ourselves what we want!

Career Satisfaction – If you’ve picked a career that doesn’t honor what you value, it will create conflict inside you. You won’t have peace and happiness.

Relationship Management – Most of the time conflict happens because someone isn’t honoring something you value. When you know your values, you can communicate better.

When you understand your core desired feelings and values, you’re leading your life. You’re empowering yourself and not waiting for other people to make you feel good—you’re doing it on your own.

The Power of Gratitude

This is so simple but so easily overlooked: Focusing on gratitude brings you happiness.

Unhappiness happens when there’s a gap between reality and what we’ve been expecting or hoping for. The opposite of disappointment and frustration? Gratitude.

If we choose gratitude in all situations, every single day, every moment—how much will that impact the way we feel? You cannot be in gratitude and feel bad.

My Struggle with Gratitude

I have to be honest… I myself struggled with gratitude. Whenever there were gratitude challenges where you had to say something you were grateful for every day, I struggled to find things that felt authentic.

I was living so far into my future, and the gap between where I wanted to go and my reality was so great, that I felt disappointed and sad every single day. I thought, “I’ll be grateful when I get where I want to go. I’ll be grateful when life gives me what I expect.”

Learning to develop gratitude changed everything. I learned to be mindful, to be in the moment, to feel my aliveness. To be grateful for every tiny little thing—everything in my house that works, every part of my body that works properly, every blessing in my daily life—instead of focusing on my lack.

Choose a Positive Mindset

Here’s the truth: You have to choose a positive mindset.

Take your thoughts captive. Don’t allow negative thoughts to run around in your head and break down your self-esteem and make you feel ungrateful.

When you notice you’re not feeling good—when you’re feeling stressed or heavy—pay attention to what you’re thinking. Be a director to your thoughts and shift those negative thoughts or thoughts of lack into positive thoughts.

We never want to focus on lack. We live in a world where there’s abundance around us, but we have to pay attention to it. We have to notice it. We have to be grateful for it.

Choose to be grateful instead of complaining. Choose love instead of being egocentric. Choose surrender instead of always pushing toward your agenda. Choose self-control over stress and anxiety.

This isn’t easy because you’re going against habits in your mind, but building awareness will help you choose a positive mindset. Happiness is a choice.

The Secret Ingredient: Your Passions

Your passions are where what you enjoy and what you’re good at intersect.

I love to shop. I love the smell of the mall, having something new, garage sales, thrift stores—all of it. I used to be a little ashamed of it because it seems shallow, but here’s the thing: Whatever makes you happy, brings you pleasure, gives you joy—it is absolutely okay for you to enjoy that.

My husband is a Lego collector. We have a whole room in our house (he calls it his office, but I call it the Lego room!) where he displays his collection. He gets SO excited to buy new Lego and create new things. It helps him relax and renew.

Some people might laugh at my shopping passion or my husband’s Lego passion, but they feed us. So I don’t want you to be ashamed of whatever feeds you.

Why Passions Matter

Passions are a very strong emotion—they drive our actions and decisions. They determine our feelings of happiness or unhappiness.

If you’re feeling unhappy a lot, likely you have not allowed your passions to come into your life enough. You’re not allowing the things that make you feel alive and excited to be part of your life. You’ve stopped giving yourself the things that make you feel good.

Do more of what lights you up and makes you happy. If you fill up, then you can pour out—and it is NOT selfish.

Now, we want balance. We don’t want to spend all our money on our passions. But we need to do more of what makes us happy.

Your Next Steps

I hope that starting today, you’ll get clear about:

• Your core desired feelings
• What’s important to you (your values)
• What you’re passionate about
• What you have to be grateful for

Do more of what makes you happy so you can go and light up the world!

Download Your Free Happiness Workbook Here – This mentoring manual will walk you through identifying your core desired feelings, determining your top 10 core values, and creating a plan to honor these in your life every single day.

Listen to the Full Episode Here

Remember: There’s a difference between getting information and actually implementing it. When I offer you a mentoring worksheet, take it! I’m here to help you create change, but you have to implement what you learn.

Thank you so much for always showing up and listening to me. I so appreciate you.

Now go out, shine bright, and make a difference!

With love,
Rebecca Keselburg
Inspiring Your Shine